I have been wondering about what to do with the blog for a while now. As the title indicates, I have been blogging for almost six and a half years on this site, though I have been silent for the greater part of the last year or so. I have been fortunate enough to have well over half-a-million views. I have received a couple of awards for medical bloggers, which remains a small (and shrinking!) online niche. It all sounds pretty fun and engaging, however, for the past year and a bit, I seem to have lost the voice and motivation for blogging altogether.
When I look back, this blog seems to have been a constant companion over some really tough and complex times. I started blogging a little after completing my internship, when I was working as a Junior Resident in Anesthesiology and Critical Care. Soon after quitting that, I re-entered the rut preparing for the horrific PG Entrance exams. I subsequently managed to get a rank, and much against the wishes of well-wishers and friends, chose to study Community Medicine in Delhi University. I found, lost, and found (once and for all!) love. I found myself, I lost myself. I saw friends getting married – I rejoiced. I saw friends getting divorced and breaking up – I shared in their misery. I bought my first house. I experienced the crushing fear a mortgage brings with it. I traveled. I saw sights and sites that I have always longed to experience. I got mugged in Paris. I trudged through bitterly cold mornings while shopping on the streets of Amsterdam. I spent an hour staring at the sculptures of Michelangelo in the Louvre. I walked the jungles of Johannesburg and the shrubberies of Kruger. I lived my dreams… I broke my old dreams to construct newer ones from the debris. I worked with only 11 hours of sleep in a week. I found an amazing job… I quit my amazing job. I found yet another amazing job!
And all through this time, I have had Scepticemia, my online alter ego, by my side. However, this past year, I have tried dabbling with blogging, trying to find my voice again. Although it felt a bit like cheating, I tried to rediscover the passion for writing and enquiry which sparked off this blog in the first place. I tried writing on different blogs – Zoonoticus, Infectionscapes, MedUtopia, to name a few… and all the while, I felt like I was still a bit lost, my voice still throttled, my writing (typing) stilted and staccato, my thoughts astray.
I am no longer the youngster that stared at the world with unabashed hope and optimism; my vision has now been tinged with the cynicism that is brought by experience. I am still grappling with an imposed silence on my writing – I have hardly written for the pleasure of randomly writing in the past year. I have restrained and restricted my writing to peer reviewed work… bread and butter stuff.
And now, as I look back on the six hundred posts, written over six loving years, I feel like no matter how I change, this blog is a living document that reflects me to myself. I guess the reason why I ended up failing to find a new online home for my thoughts was because my heart and brain were always tied to this corner of the wide webverse. I guess, if I am to write, I should be writing here.
So, in my new quest to rediscover my voice, redefine my writing, and reiterate my skepticism, I want to embrace scepticemia all over again, and re-commit to writing more about my thoughts and analyses here. Here’s to starting all over once again – it is something that I have to do in my personal and professional lives as well – and here’s to hoping that the long silence of the past year is broken, and the lost blog is found and revived.